Like most children, I have always dreamed of working in a door
factory. Well, boy, I just couldn't believe my ears when I heard
the description of the job I was offered the other day.
So yeah, from Tuesday I am working 45 hours a week operating
machinery in a factory that makes doors. I imagine the way I will
get through my days will be like Bjork's character in Dancer in the
Dark. I'll listen to the sounds of the machines and pretend that I'm
in a musical, pretty sure everything worked out well for her. I can
do a pretty good Bjork accent too which will help.
The reason that I took this job is because I desperately want to
start saving up money to go overseas at the end of next year. But
who knows, maybe I will be enchanted by the kind hand of the
construction godfather that is Fletcher. This could be a stepping
stone for me to move through the ranks of Christchurch's lucrative
door industry which, post-earthquake, is holding the people to
ransom for their need to stop intruders, bugs and cold drafts entering
their homes.
Also, am I supposed to dress like how I think people there will dress?
I'm thinking like Ryan from The OC. I never liked Ryan, I'm way more
of a Seth.
Friday, 7 December 2012
Friday, 30 November 2012
Bar Tending at a Riccarton Racecourse Function
- Enter building
- Small drunk old man talking smack, impressive goatee
- Two tap beers: Speights and Steinlager Light
- "Hey Zac Efron"
- "Oy, Zac Efron"
- "Hey you, High School musical"
- Living on a Prayer
- Drunk old people are funny
- Cotton Eyes Joe
- Drunk old people are annoying
- Hey Mickey
- Drunk old people are tragic
- Mama Mia
- Old lady passed out on table
- Gangnam Style....?
- Different old lady falls over
- "Can I have 3 Speight's mate?"
- DJ: "Some cunt poured beer on me"
- Lady with decaying teeth: "Can I have one more beer? I love you"
- Lady with Decaying teeth: "If I move I'll be sick"
- DJ: "I do fucking cage fighting, I'm off duty now"
- Exit building
Wednesday, 28 November 2012
Manual Labour
I feel like I should start blogging again because I am having a post-university
crisis.
I decided that for the summer I wanted to do manual labour jobs because
I've never really done anything like that before and it's good to try new things.
I'm now starting to regret this decision for a few reasons. Firstly, I don't think
I really know what labouring means. In my mind it's like that books Holes,
where you just mindlessly dig until your boss is happy with the amount of
ground that isn't there anymore. However, when I went in to this place that
gets you into labouring jobs the lady said that she could get me a job that I
wasn't really qualified for, operating heavy machinery at a door factory.
Yesterday it took me 30 minutes to work out how to use my parents printer
so if I am behind the wheel of a crane, someone will get hurt. It was also kind
of worrying that the lady said 'it's best not to let them know that you have a
degree.'
Another reason why labouring may not be for me is that the lady kept going
on about how most of the people that did it were 'of a different background'
to me. This brought up the usual anxiety of not being able to talk to anyone
that isn't exactly the same as me. I don't know anything about car parts or
whether the boys won the game last night. I know that I'd get into the
uncomfortable situation of someone going in for a 'cool guy handshake'
and me not knowing what to do. Every time someone does one of those
handshakes they act as though it's the only combination that exists. I might
go in for a 'Fresh Prince' but he will be doing a 'Kenan and Kel', which will
make me look like an idiot. Do people from working class backgrounds get
the same kind of anxiety in the reverse situation? If someone who grew up
in Aranui got a job at C1, would they get worried that people would ask them
about Band of Horses tracks or the latest episode of Girls? I think I'm
over-thinking everything again.
crisis.
I decided that for the summer I wanted to do manual labour jobs because
I've never really done anything like that before and it's good to try new things.
I'm now starting to regret this decision for a few reasons. Firstly, I don't think
I really know what labouring means. In my mind it's like that books Holes,
where you just mindlessly dig until your boss is happy with the amount of
ground that isn't there anymore. However, when I went in to this place that
gets you into labouring jobs the lady said that she could get me a job that I
wasn't really qualified for, operating heavy machinery at a door factory.
Yesterday it took me 30 minutes to work out how to use my parents printer
so if I am behind the wheel of a crane, someone will get hurt. It was also kind
of worrying that the lady said 'it's best not to let them know that you have a
degree.'
Another reason why labouring may not be for me is that the lady kept going
on about how most of the people that did it were 'of a different background'
to me. This brought up the usual anxiety of not being able to talk to anyone
that isn't exactly the same as me. I don't know anything about car parts or
whether the boys won the game last night. I know that I'd get into the
uncomfortable situation of someone going in for a 'cool guy handshake'
and me not knowing what to do. Every time someone does one of those
handshakes they act as though it's the only combination that exists. I might
go in for a 'Fresh Prince' but he will be doing a 'Kenan and Kel', which will
make me look like an idiot. Do people from working class backgrounds get
the same kind of anxiety in the reverse situation? If someone who grew up
in Aranui got a job at C1, would they get worried that people would ask them
about Band of Horses tracks or the latest episode of Girls? I think I'm
over-thinking everything again.
Wednesday, 19 September 2012
Friday, 31 August 2012
This is Mr. Barkinfresh
Mr. Barkinfresh is a anthropomorphic dog that I created for
a intermediate school project in 2002. In retrospect, his name
sounds like it should be a brand of dog toothpaste.
a intermediate school project in 2002. In retrospect, his name
sounds like it should be a brand of dog toothpaste.
Sunday, 26 August 2012
Comparative Poetry
Madeleine, our love is good, like a flower is good
I like you more than I like Tegal char-grilled breast fillets
You have a good face, like a bear
Eamonn, I like you more than I like the off-brand Rashuns called Cheezy Aliens
Daniela, I want to see you, like I want to see through walls
You are better than a bloody good pooch
Elsie, our friendship is nice, like Ms. Honey from Matilda
You are a better friend than my old friend Tyler Robinson from Cobham Intermediate
Alex, I would choose you existing over the swimming cap being invented if I had to
I like you more than I like Tegal char-grilled breast fillets
You have a good face, like a bear
Eamonn, I like you more than I like the off-brand Rashuns called Cheezy Aliens
Daniela, I want to see you, like I want to see through walls
You are better than a bloody good pooch
Elsie, our friendship is nice, like Ms. Honey from Matilda
You are a better friend than my old friend Tyler Robinson from Cobham Intermediate
Alex, I would choose you existing over the swimming cap being invented if I had to
Saturday, 18 August 2012
Argument Tactic #26 "It's just that..."
As we all know, all conversations are competitions and to
win, you need to know all the moves. Today's tactic is one
that is used regularly by a lot of people. It will allow one to
turn an isolated argument into something broad and unrelated
to inspire pity in the other person.
Example:
Person 1: I don't want to mow the lawns
Person 2: But you said you would and I did it last time
Person 1: Pause
(looks down and takes in a deep breath)
It's just that...
Pause
you know, with what happened with Grandma
and everything, things have been really tough,
and I just really don't feel like mowing the lawns
Person 2: Oh of course. Fair enough. You just sit down
and don't worry yourself. Here, have a Popsicle
Slushy
Also try it in intellectual arguments:
Person 1: Stupid Palestine. Woop, Israel
Person 2: Well the Israeli government keeps driving Palestinians
off their land while not recognizing Palestine as a state.
It's a very complex situation.
Person 1: Pause
(Extremely serious expression)
It's just that...
Pause
the Holocaust and everything...
Person 2: Oh, I guess you have a point, the Holocaust was bad.
Do you want to have the rest of my Popsicle Slushy?
Now you might think this is emotionally manipulative but the world
of social interaction is a jungle and you need to be prepared.
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