Confrontation

I try to avoid confrontation at all costs. This makes it quite hard to

stick up for people, but almost all of the fights I am surrounded 

with are between people that have all probably done something

wrong. I wish life was more like tv shows about high school in

which there is always a clear cut abusive bully/ nerdy victim

dichotomy. There are people who get mad at people they don't 

even know for saying something they don't like or agree with but 

I can never do that because I'm not confident enough in my own

opinions. I just want to know who to like and who to not like.

I could try to like everyone but I feel that I shouldn't like people

who have done really bad things to other people. Although most

people have probably that at some point so where do I draw the

line? The conclusion that I've come to is that I should live life like

a Louis Theroux documentary. He spends time with people he

doesn't agree with but is honest to them about it and civilly tries

to understand what they think and why. If I do that then I can

understand where people are coming from without having to be

too confrontational. Being a wallflower is the way to go in life.

Before I wrote this I had a 5-minute identity crises. I'm fine now

though. 

The Door to Success

Like most children, I have always dreamed of working in a door
factory. Well, boy, I just couldn't believe my ears when I heard
the description of the job I was offered the other day.
So yeah, from Tuesday I am working 45 hours a week operating
machinery in a factory that makes doors. I imagine the way I will
get through my days will be like Bjork's character in Dancer in the
Dark. I'll listen to the sounds of the machines and pretend that I'm
in a musical, pretty sure everything worked out well for her. I can
do a pretty good Bjork accent too which will help.
The reason that I took this job is because I desperately want to
start saving up money to go overseas at the end of next year. But
who knows, maybe I will be enchanted by the kind hand of the
construction godfather that is Fletcher. This could be a stepping
stone for me to move through the ranks of Christchurch's lucrative
door industry which, post-earthquake, is holding the people to
ransom for their need to stop intruders, bugs and cold drafts entering
their homes.
Also, am I supposed to dress like how I think people there will dress?
I'm thinking like Ryan from The OC. I never liked Ryan, I'm way more
of a Seth.

Bar Tending at a Riccarton Racecourse Function

• Enter building
• Small drunk old man talking smack, impressive goatee
• Two tap beers: Speights and Steinlager Light
• "Hey Zac Efron"
• "Oy, Zac Efron"
• "Hey you, High School musical"
• Living on a Prayer
• Drunk old people are funny
• Cotton Eyes Joe
• Drunk old people are annoying
• Hey Mickey
• Drunk old people are tragic
• Mama Mia
• Old lady passed out on table
• Gangnam Style....?
• Different old lady falls over
• "Can I have 3 Speight's mate?"
• DJ: "Some cunt poured beer on me"
• Lady with decaying teeth: "Can I have one more beer? I love you"
• Lady with Decaying teeth: "If I move I'll be sick"
• DJ: "I do fucking cage fighting, I'm off duty now"
• Exit building

Manual Labour

I feel like I should start blogging again because I am having a post-university
crisis.

I decided that for the summer I wanted to do manual labour jobs because
I've never really done anything like that before and it's good to try new things.
I'm now starting to regret this decision for a few reasons. Firstly, I don't think
I really know what labouring means. In my mind it's like that books Holes,
where you just mindlessly dig until your boss is happy with the amount of
ground that isn't there anymore. However, when I went in to this place that
gets you into labouring jobs the lady said that she could get me a job that I
wasn't really qualified for, operating heavy machinery at a door factory.
Yesterday it took me 30 minutes to work out how to use my parents printer
so if I am behind the wheel of a crane, someone will get hurt. It was also kind
of worrying that the lady said 'it's best not to let them know that you have a
degree.'

Another reason why labouring may not be for me is that the lady kept going
on about how most of the people that did it were 'of a different background'
to me. This brought up the usual anxiety of not being able to talk to anyone
that isn't exactly the same as me. I don't know anything about car parts or
whether the boys won the game last night. I know that I'd get into the
uncomfortable situation of someone going in for a 'cool guy handshake'
and me not knowing what to do. Every time someone does one of those
handshakes they act as though it's the only combination that exists. I might
go in for a 'Fresh Prince' but he will be doing a 'Kenan and Kel', which will
make me look like an idiot. Do people from working class backgrounds get
the same kind of anxiety in the reverse situation? If someone who grew up
in Aranui got a job at C1, would they get worried that people would ask them
about Band of Horses tracks or the latest episode of Girls? I think I'm
over-thinking everything again.

Me and My Long Term Girlfriend Just Broke Up

Shit's about to get depressing

This is Mr. Barkinfresh

Mr. Barkinfresh is a anthropomorphic dog that I created for
a intermediate school project in 2002. In retrospect, his name
sounds like it should be a brand of dog toothpaste.

Comparative Poetry

Madeleine, our love is good, like a flower is good
I like you more than I like Tegal char-grilled breast fillets
You have a good face, like a bear
Eamonn, I like you more than I like the off-brand Rashuns called Cheezy Aliens
Daniela, I want to see you, like I want to see through walls
You are better than a bloody good pooch
Elsie, our friendship is nice, like Ms. Honey from Matilda
You are a better friend than my old friend Tyler Robinson from Cobham Intermediate
Alex, I would choose you existing over the swimming cap being invented if I had to

Argument Tactic #26 "It's just that..."

As we all know, all conversations are competitions and to

win, you need to know all the moves. Today's tactic is one

that is used regularly by a lot of people. It will allow one to 

turn an isolated argument into something broad and unrelated 

to inspire pity in the other person.

Example:

Person 1: I don't want to mow the lawns

Person 2: But you said you would and I did it last time

Person 1: Pause

               (looks down and takes in a deep breath)

               It's just that... 

               Pause

               you know, with what happened with Grandma

               and everything, things have been really tough,

               and I just really don't feel like mowing the lawns

Person 2: Oh of course. Fair enough. You just sit down

               and don't worry yourself. Here, have a Popsicle 

               Slushy

Also try it in intellectual arguments:

Person 1: Stupid Palestine. Woop, Israel

Person 2: Well the Israeli government keeps driving Palestinians

               off their land while not recognizing Palestine as a state.

               It's a very complex situation.

Person 1: Pause

               (Extremely serious expression)

               It's just that...

               Pause

               the Holocaust and everything...

Person 2: Oh, I guess you have a point, the Holocaust was bad.

               Do you want to have the rest of my Popsicle Slushy?

Now you might think this is emotionally manipulative but the world

of social interaction is a jungle and you need to be prepared.

Dr Dre Rap (edited)

I moved out of the hood for good, you blame me?
Friends aim mainly at friends they can't be.
But friends can't hit friends they can't see.
I'm out of sight, now I'm out of they dang reach.
How would you feel if friends wanted you killed?
You'd probably move to a new house on a new hill.
And choose a new spot if friends wanted you shot,
I ain't a thug, how much Tupac in you, you got
I ain't no bitch neither.
It's either my life or your life,
And I ain't leaving, I like breathing.
Friend we can go round for round,
Clip for clip, shit, fo'-pound for pound.
Friend if you really want to take it there we can,
Just remember that you fucking with a family man.
I got a lot more to lose than you, remember that,
When you wanna come and fill these shoes.

Campaign Trail

After reading a lot about something I tend to relate it to my real life
a lot. Currently I am doing a research essay which is partly about the
campaign for the 1986 Homosexual Reform Bill. This made me
think about flat politics.

I live in a democratic flat where the current issue is about cleaning
reform. The issue being that we currently hand wash dishes, yet
we have a dishwasher. Eamonn Marra saw the need for change
and so introduced the bill with an impassioned but concise
speech where he made such points as 'hey, do you guys think
we should start using the dishwasher?' and no other points. From
my field research, the voting is split as follows:

-Eamonn Marra (radical equalist) for
-Madeleine Ashton-Martyn (cyber-liberal) for
-Jonathon Edwards (handsome protagonist) for
-Meredith Harris (social progressive/sanitation traditionalist) against
-Hannah Strom (relentless idealist) against
-Alice Connolly (poetic pacifist) unknown/ possible swing vote
-Kupe (cat) extremely indifferent

If put to an election I think that Alice, regardless of position, could
be bought off with some chocolate covered pretzels. When it comes
to washing up, Connolly is willing to get her hands dirty. However,
the main problem with the pro-reform campaign is their 'I don't really
care that much' attitude. If I've learned anything from my research
essay it's that the best way to rally support for a bill is to frame the opposition
in a bad light. This is why I will now refer to their position as pro-chores.
It is hard to predict how the outcome of this campaign but I think that
everyone will probably forget about it. Another lost liberal cause.

Cards #2

I think this deck is rigged.

Cards

The arts student argument starter deck.

From the lovely people at Microsoft Paint

Hipsters

I heard the word hipster yesterday for the first time in a long time.
Still not exactly sure what it means but from what I've heard, a hipster
is: Someone who wears lots of black/someone who wears bright
colours. Someone who listens to listens to underground music/
someone who listens to pop music ironically/ someone who listens
exclusively to hip hop. Someone who protests a lot/ someone who
is privileged and only cares about themselves. Someone who buys
cheap op shop clothes/ someone who buys expensive designer
clothes. Someone who cares about feminism/ someone who posts
violent pictures of rape to their tumblr. Someone who wants to be
different/ someone who desperately wants to be cool.

Lies

When I was little I was a chronic liar. I don't lie very much any more but occasionally I will lie about something when it seems like the easier thing to do. Most of the time this ends very badly. I am going to admit to some lies that I can remember telling over my lifetime:

• Age 7: Bryn Ealey- I did not have an older brother named Micheal, nor did I have any other siblings except for my sister
• Age 9: Many people- I did not have a holographic mew Pokemon card
• Age 10: Friend Jasper's Mum- I don't actually think your baby is cute. Your baby is ugly. There is no hope for that child.
• Age 18: Girl at Bar- I don't actually like Sci-Fi
• Various Ages: Many people- My name is not Henry and I am not South African.
• Age 19: David and Eamonn: I had never flatted before Madras Street. I said I had because I thought you would only want me to live there if I had experience flatting before. I didn't know that we would have to walk past where I said I flatted every time we went to the Asian Food Warehouse. I'm sure both of you noticed how awkward I got every time you asked me which one was mine. I felt like I had left it too long to admit to it.

  

Thieving

Ever since a modern day Robin Hood named Stelth liberated

a block of edam for us from the Wellington City New World,

I have really wanted to steal something. I have never stolen 

anything from a store before but feel like it would be a huge

rush. I imagine stealing a big packet of pistachios would make

me feel like a glorious stallion, galloping through the planes...

be free, majestic creature. I have a friend who steals all the 

time and always gets away with it and I have already justified

stealing from a supermarket in my mind, wastage and markups

etc). However, my dream ended today when I saw some skate

board hooligans get caught trying to steal a butt load of groceries.

The scene was really intense and has scared me off stealing for

good. Security guards are big.

Uni Stress

So it's a new semester next week, meaning that I will have a new
start in which I will manage time really well and do heaps of work.
 If anyone sees me not doing work at any given time they should 
slap me in the face (I will probably still hit you back, or maybe 
just give you a grumpy look, depending on how much I like you).
I also wont get stressed this semester because it's just a uni course,
one which I will get done eventually. I wont stress. Kids in Somalia. 
People with bigger problems. Right? RIGHT?! I'm pretty close to 
hyperventilating right now.

Praise Me

Because I live in a flat with a lot of people it sometimes feels like

I am doing everything wrong. I realised today that this is because

I am at an age where you don't get praise for doing simple things

right, you only get told off for doing things wrong. No one ever

says, "you are doing a really good job of cutting those onions. I

am so proud of you. I'm really glad we are friends." It's always,

"Oh, are you putting potato in the pasta? No that's fine, I just

wont  have any." Or "You can't put a metal pot in the microwave."

Jeez, get off my back man, i'm just trying to do my own thing. 

Idol Worship

Tonight I watched a game of tennis and for some reason I really cared who
won the game of tennis. The person I wanted to win the game of tennis won
the game of tennis even though he wasn't expected to win the game of tennis.
I am really happy, which is really stupid. why should I care who wins?
A guy in my history class (who is a lot smarter than me) was saying the other
day how he was skeptical about some aspects of Marxism because adhering to 
the ideas of an individual can bedangerous. It is this inability to separate 
individuals from the things they create that strongly influences my tastes. I will 
never like the band Swans because Michael Gira seems like an asshole. I also 
don't like the Smiths that much because Morrissey is an arrogant douchebag. 
This shouldn't change how I feel about the music itself but it does. But if I have 
liked a band for a long time and something challenges my perception of them 
I will just deny everything. Like when I heard that Wayne Coyne from the 
Flaming Lips said that Arcade Fire were terrible,  pompous people. Arcade 
Fire was one of my favorite bands in my late teenage years so I just choose 
to believe that he is lying. Anyway, fuck Wayne Coyne because he was on 
MTV cribs. You are the pompous asshole with your stupid excessive house. I 
will come at you with a gun and Catcher in the Rye in hand... This is the part 
where I realise I need sleep.

Blog lag

Man, I haven't blogged in a while but I can't just go straight into a normal
post after so much time has passed. It's like a father abandoning his kids
and only to be found in the kitchen 3 years later making them sandwiches
like nothing happened. I'll ease my way into angst posts by linking a video.
This guy gets me:

Jono's Guide to Food and Drink

This is not a list of opinions about food and drinks but the objective truth as to
how they taste:

• Peanut Butter- yum
• Pizza- fine/overrated (but because so many people love it so much I am forced to say that it is terrible to contrast)
• Seafood- delicious
• Oysters- the best seafood (delicious x 2?)
• Avocado- yuck (controversial discovery)
• Curry- yum
• Souvlaki- delicious (But Christchurch is the only place I know of where you can buy them which angers me)
• Kabab- fine but nowhere near as good as souvlaki
• Cheese- recently discovered to be yum (previously thought to be alright)
• Beer- yum
• Woodstock- Maddy, you're not fooling anyone. Bourbon and coke is gross and deep down you know this
• White wine- yuck
• Red wine- yum
• Fish and chips- quite good
• Too much fish and chips- depressed
• Some kind of bland chick pea tomatoey thing with soy sauce on rice- okay unless you have recently been home recently with parents that feed you like a proper human
• Mexican- mostly bad
• Anything with gluten- amazing

Many people may not agree with this list but they are wrong