Jono's Guide to Food and Drink

This is not a list of opinions about food and drinks but the objective truth as to
how they taste:

• Peanut Butter- yum
• Pizza- fine/overrated (but because so many people love it so much I am forced to say that it is terrible to contrast)
• Seafood- delicious
• Oysters- the best seafood (delicious x 2?)
• Avocado- yuck (controversial discovery)
• Curry- yum
• Souvlaki- delicious (But Christchurch is the only place I know of where you can buy them which angers me)
• Kabab- fine but nowhere near as good as souvlaki
• Cheese- recently discovered to be yum (previously thought to be alright)
• Beer- yum
• Woodstock- Maddy, you're not fooling anyone. Bourbon and coke is gross and deep down you know this
• White wine- yuck
• Red wine- yum
• Fish and chips- quite good
• Too much fish and chips- depressed
• Some kind of bland chick pea tomatoey thing with soy sauce on rice- okay unless you have recently been home recently with parents that feed you like a proper human
• Mexican- mostly bad
• Anything with gluten- amazing

Many people may not agree with this list but they are wrong

Infomercials

I am leasing this post as an advertising space

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• Tired of feeling guilty about buying products that are unethical? Do you pull up people for racist and sexist slurs but listen Odd Future? Then TRY 'justifying it to yourself'. By justifying it to yourself you can can eat all the meat you want while listening to your favorite explicit rap music. Make yourself feel better with phrases like "it doesn't matter if I buy this or not, a difference can only be made through systematic change which happens collectively" and "I can listen to this ironically, realising the prejudice that exists in the lyrics, acknowledging that this is a product of the environment that these artists grew up in". Justifying it to yourself could be yours in three easy payments of swallowing your values.

Ideas to Change the World

So I found a page near the back of this writing book I have which
I titled 'Ideas to Change the World'. It's actually a list of a few out
of context puns, some other things that don't make sense and a
picture of an anthropomorphic dog. I think I was incredibly drunk
when I wrote this because I really don't remember doing it. I barely
understand it. It looks like this:

Ideas to Change the World:

Jason Seagull

Harry Potter alcohol range:

• Harry Porter
• Ron Riesling

Shark Twain

Concert for Haiti   
Concert for Tahiti
A concert in Tahiti

Mr. Barkinfresh is disappointed in furniture

Feminine Eminem = Slim Shady Lady

Mr. Barkinfresh is told he has a degenerative disease

Pop

I go through stages of getting really annoyed when people play only
pop music at the parties. Part of the reason is that I don't know most
of it but also I have to be in a very specific mood to enjoy it. However,
I was listening to Rihanna before and man, that girl speaks from the heart.
I got absorbed in some song, it was about a big bed or something,
and I really feel like my deepest feelings of loneliness had been taken
from my brain, put into words, and produced by Timbaland. There
is that certain mood I get in where the lyrics of Like a Prayer start to
sound like lyrical a collaboration between Leonard Cohen and Jesus.
Man I could go for some Madonna right now
I also saw a new video from Chris brown playing in a bar the other day.
Isn't he in jail? Why not? How can domestic abusers be so quickly
accepted back into society and have no.1 songs? Granted, I don't
actually know what happened with that but i'm pretty sure he beat
up Rihanna.What the fuck, just learned they are collaborating in two
songs coming out this year? Fuck this, i'm out.

University

It is now my fourth year at university and I am really over it. Especially 

now that I am doing history honours, I feel like everything I am learning 

just seems so pointless in the scheme of things. All of the essay questions

for my Gender and Empire course have the same answer, 'no one gives

a fuck.' No one in their everyday routine thinks 'how can I go to the 

supermarket without knowing if there is a particular pattern of gender 

relations that arise on ‘resource frontiers’ rather than other kinds of 

‘colonial frontiers’?' Now you might be thinking that putting 'gender' into

an in depth and theoretical analysis of empire might be interesting. You

would be wrong. As I go on in honours, I keep thinking how academia

exists in it's own little bubble and for the most part, has little interaction

with the rest of the world. And so I come to the conclusion that I always

come to when I am unhappy with my life: I need to go and live on a farm,

listen to country music and hang with a border collie. I think I also want

to eat whitebait but i'm not sure. I like that they are small because that

means you are consuming more souls when you eat them. I can play

the Country Calender theme on guitar.

Facebook

This post is triggered by a picture I saw on Facebook of a guy in
my honors class. In it, he is shaking hands with Hillary Clinton. Or,
as you may know her, the most powerful woman in the world.
From some kind of student exchange thing (I don't really know)
he was allowed to meet her and then interview her. So, it's a pretty
amazing picture to have of yourself.
Then I saw  that down the bottom that the picture that it had 15 likes.
15 likes!? Really Facebook? Is that all that picture is worth to you?!
That doesn't impress you?! I could post a picture of a turd and get
more than 15 likes. Well, maybe not, but Von Klap probably could
and probably have.  To put this in perspective, I only had to go to the
last post of my flatmate Eamonn to see that he got 15 likes for a picture
of his face after having shaved while pictures of my flatmate Alice with
a cat can fetch over 40, especially if she adds a caption such as 'pat pat
da cat'. Now I know that there a more important things in life than
facebook likes but a lot of people think of it as a new measure of worth.
If pretty much everyone you know uses Facebook then 'liking' is like
democratically calculating what is better from a bunch of completely
unrelated things e.g.: (unfunny meme < annoucing you got a new job) or
(shaving = Hillary Clinton)

I don't like this.

Oh man, just found out he has almost 700 friends. Really, people on
facebook? Really?!

Friends

Often when I meet someone that I get along with really well 

there is a common formula that occurs. First, I meet the person 

and am infatuated by them. I will think they are the most 

perfect person ever because I will only look for the good things. 

My internal monologue is something like: 'Oh man, this person 

is so witty and intelligent. They like the Beatles? I like the 

Beatles! They have exactly the same music taste as me. 

They've read the Secret History? No f-ing way. They find 

Black Books funny? This is getting creepy now. How did 

I manage to find my future best friend here tonight?' The second 

stage is when the person doesn't live up to my unreasonably 

high expectations and I either start liking them slightly less or 

become annoyed by them. Internal monologue changes to:

'Your voice is louder than I remember. How do you not know 

about this obscure historical event that i'm studying? You led 

me to believe you knew everything. I understand all of the words

you are using right now but they don't really make sense in that

sentence. Yeah, you have Bright Eyes on your ipod but it's 

overshadowed by all the Jay-Z on there.' After a while I remember

that I'm not perfect and that everyone has faults and that the

person in question is probably a nice, interesting person and so start 

liking them again. I call this the Obama effect. In saying this, there 

are some people who don't fail my unrealistically high expectations 

and I continue to idolize. I just read this back and I sound pretty

judgmental.